I stumbled across this word in the subject line of one of the hundreds (yes literally) of wedding emails I received this week. “Wediquette.” I was curious – was this simply the handiwork of some clever blogger (much like me)? It couldn’t possibly be a real word, right? Well I felt like it was my duty to you to do some research.

Ready for this?

Although “wediquette,” is not listed in the real dictionary, it is defined on urbandictionary.com as follows:

Should you open gifts that arrive early and send thank you notes right away?

-being considerate of guests

-sending stamps with RSVP envelopes

-top shelf open bar

-sushi stand for cocktail hour

-See also Bad Wediquette:

-Having a wedding 500 miles away

- Having a cash bar

- Having ugly female guests

Ha.

Highly amused, yet unsatisfied with this definition, I decided to keep digging. When I searched google for “wediquette,” I turned up about 15,200 results in .09 seconds. Ok, now I’m really wishing I had coined this term! There are books on wediquette, (Amazon) blogs on wediquette (one of which is now PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com), links to event planners, episodes of Good Morning America (Wediquette 101), and even twitter forums! Wediquette seems to be this year’s black.

I found sorting through all of this information to be somewhat overwhelming so I decided to go to one of the ultimate authorities on all things wedding, theknot.com…or so I thought. Turns out theknot.com is a little behind in their lingo, a search on their website turned up zero results. Hmph!

I decided to usurp the system by searching for wedding etiquette (same thing, just not as catchy), and found a list that I found interesting, so I’m going to share it with you.

theknot.com’s :

The 10 Wedding Rules You Can Break

1.     Bride’s parents pay for the wedding

Whoa whoa whoa! What are you talking about? First of all, shhhhh! Do NOT mention this to my father! I know he’s had his eye on a new mid-life crisis convertible and I do NOT want him getting any ideas. Secondly, yes, I realize that this is not a “rule” anymore but just so all of the parents out there know, we really do appreciate it, kthnx.

2.     You must invite everyone with a guest

I agree with this. When you are paying anywhere from $40.00 – $100.00 per person for a decent served meal you don’t necessarily want someone to invite a date that you’ve never met just because they can. I have a real problem with people coming to my wedding simply for the free booze. I’m doing “plus one” as follows. If you are in a committed relationship and/or have reproduced with said person, plus one. If you are in the wedding party, plus one. If you are traveling a long distance and/or do not know anyone else who is attending the wedding, plus one. If you are immediate family, plus one. If your ex is going to be there and you want to invite someone hot just because you want to make said ex jealous, too bad.

3.     Your registry should consist entirely of house wares for your new home (I have to add that they suggested registering for the Sex and the City DVDs, I thought this was funny)

I promised Colin that he could register for beer brewing equipment, and I’m trying to convince him to agree to registering for a kayak. If I didn’t think it was tacky, we would register for CASH. Breaking this rule – AGREE!

is the bride responsible for paying for the wedding party's hair and makeup?

4.     You must wear a long, white gown

When I told my mom I had no intention of wearing white (I just meant I wanted Ivory) she about had a conniption! Pure white is hard to pull off. Fortunately after some dress shopping she understood that I was just going a little subtler and wasn’t going with neon pink or anything. The idea that wearing a white gown represents innocence is long gone. I’ve seen some of the women who wear white…enough said.

5.     Your mom can’t throw your shower

Honestly I’ve never heard this rule. Apparently it used to be frowned upon because it insinuated that the mother was asking her friends to give her daughter gifts. Whatever. I want my mom involved in the process, she knows me better than anyone. Plus, if it were up to her she would ask people to bring donations for the wedding, not gifts for me.

6.     You have to have a rehearsal dinner

I’m not okay with breaking this rule. I like rehearsal dinners and think they are an important part of the wedding process. Yeah, everyone gets to socialize at the wedding, but at the rehearsal dinner you have the people who you have deemed the few most important people in your life. That’s a big deal. Plus these people are giving up a lot of time and money to help you celebrate your special day, they deserve to be spoiled.

7.     The groom can’t see the bride before the ceremony

I know that this rule has become more passé.  A lot of couples like to take their pictures before the wedding so that they can spend more time with their guests. I however am old fashioned when it comes to this. My favorite part of a wedding is watching the expression the groom has when he sees his bride for the first time. I know this is probably silly, but I feel like you can judge by the look on the groom’s face how long the marriage is going to last. When my brother saw my sister-in-law at the back of the church and the tears began running down his face, I knew that they were going to be together forever.

8.     At the ceremony the bride’s family should sit on the left and the groom’s on the right

I’ve always found this to be silly. First of all what happens when one person has more guests than the other? Second, weddings are about socializing, why not start by mixing people at the ceremony? I say sit where you want!

9.     You must walk down the aisle

Apparently some brides are now beginning the ceremony without a procession. I’m opposed. What girl doesn’t want that moment in the spotlight? I know I sure do. If I trip at least it’ll be memorable, and I’m sure Colin will come help me up when he’s done laughing. If not, suitemate (aka MOH), please help me!

10. You have to leave for the honeymoon right after the reception

Totally impractical. I can only imagine how exhausted we’ll be after the reception! Plus I like the idea of having a brunch the morning after as a send off for not only the bride and groom but also out of town guests.

Is it rude to talk about your wedding at work if you're not planning on inviting all of your co-workers?

I really don’t think that there are any set rules about a wedding. It is your day and you should do what you want. That being said, I’d love to hear your opinions on some of these etiquette debates or other silly wediquettes that you’ve heard.

Yours,

The Bride

If you’re taking the time to read this blog I’m going to guess that you’re one of those girls who have been planning your wedding since about age seven.  Am I right?

You’ve seen yourself standing arm in arm with your father in your pure white ball gown with the cathedral train. Your 12 foot veil is pulled down over your face just barely revealing your grandmother’s pearls, the ones that have been worn by every woman in your family. As you walk down the aisle to your prince charming you’re omitting a radiant glow that is only outdone by the sparkling of your 4.785-carat engagement ring…you know exactly what you want.

Who doesn't want to be Cinderella on their wedding day?

I was like that, well kinda. I knew that I wanted a princess cut engagement ring set in white gold. I wanted a simple wedding gown, none of that sparkly stuff, with an empire waist to hide all of my less than desirable parts. My reception would definitely be in a ballroom with chandeliers and marble. Oh, and the wedding band, just a plain wide white gold band, nothing flashy.

Well ladies, I’m here to tell you to lose all of those preconceived notions about your wedding details and go into the experience with an open mind. I know this will be a challenge for you super-planners out there. I have to admit that it wasn’t that hard for me since I’m basically the most indecisive person you’ll ever meet, but nonetheless it’s hard to let go of your childhood dreams.

See how the corners are set and looky very pointy? Not my ideal ring.

I first realized that I didn’t know what I really wanted when we began browsing for engagement rings. (Well, I began browsing; Colin was just being dragged into the jewelry stores.) I immediately realized that I was a fan of round brilliant rings instead of the princess cut. Despite what I thought, when I saw the princess cut in a four-prong setting I didn’t like the shape that it had. I also liked the sparkle of the round brilliant better, who would’ve guessed!

The reception venue bubble was burst when I went into my first ballroom with chandeliers and marble and realized that it looked dark and drab and way too formal for what we were going for. I immediately knew that I wanted a reception room with big windows and a beautiful landscape, hence my country club locale.

Thankfully when it came to the wedding dress the consultant encouraged me to try on some gowns with crystal embellishments because ladies, I like the bling! I couldn’t believe how much I liked the gowns with a little beading and the shinier fabric over the simple, classic gowns. What was even more unexpected was how much better my body looked in the more fitted dresses than the empire waist! I couldn’t believe it; my curves were in all of the right places. If I had gone in there with my heart set on a particular gown, I may never have even tried the style that really makes my body look great!

This isn't exactly it, but it's really close...isn't it BEAUTIFUL?!?

The last, and probably biggest surprise that I’ve given myself so far came when we were shopping for wedding bands. I was certain that I would not give up on my simple, wide, white gold band. I knew I didn’t want anything that would take away from the beauty of my engagement ring (which I absolutely love.) But, thank goodness for Colin who insisted that I try a ring with diamonds set in the band. I thought I would hate it, but honestly, I cannot WAIT until I get to wear it! It’s absolutely beautiful!! (I have even suggested eloping just so that I can have my wedding band sooner!)

I’m sure as the wedding planning continues I will realize again and again that I really had no idea what I wanted, and that’s okay. Remember, the only part of the wedding that really matters is who that prince charming is who is waiting for you at the end of the aisle.

Yours,

The Bride

It all started Tuesday, when I got an email from theKnot.com telling me that there were 13 months until my wedding day. At that very second it hit me like a ton of bricks: my summer is coming to an end and it seems like I haven’t taken care of anything for my wedding. School starts this week. I will be starting graduate classes that will consume my weekends and evenings.  When will I get everything done?

"The Knot Ultimate Wedding Planner "

As if the feeling of overwhelming dread that I was already feeling wasn’t enough, I decided to turn to, “The Knot Ultimate Wedding Planner,” to see how far behind their checklist tells me I am.

If you’re in the process of planning a wedding you know all about checklists. Every book that I get has at least one checklist with a monthly countdown of things that need to be done. This particular book that I’m referencing has 19 chapters of, “worksheets, checklists, etiquette, calendars, and answers to frequently asked questions.” I kid you not, there are 199 pages. So, for those of you just beginning the wedding process who have not yet started a checklist, I thought I would take you through one with me.

This particular checklist is entitled: 12+ Months Before Your Wedding. Here we go…(For the record, I’m paraphrasing.)

√ Tell people about your engagement. – We have been doing this for the last four months. I think we’ve gotten to nearly everyone.

√ Envision Your Wedding (We are going to do this together right now using the worksheet provided by theKnot.)

Describe your event: Formal, Elegant, Festive

Locale: Where we live

Size: Average (100 – 250)  - We had hoped for a small wedding but we both come from very large families. We anticipate about 225 guests.

Season: Fall/Winter Date: September 24, 2011

Hour: Evening

Palette: Black, White, & Green

The mention of a Bridal Shower made me want to include this picture. If my bridesmaids are reading this *hint hint* this is what I want my shower to be like!

Festivities: Engagement Party, Bachelorette Party, Bridal Shower, Bachelor Party, Rehearsal Dinner, (maybe) Post-Reception

PartyPriorities (Rank 1 – 10) – This one was hard.

9-Time of Year

1-Officiant/Ceremony Location

4-Guest List

6-Food & Drink

3-Music

7-Reception Location

8-Attire (Bride’s Dress)

5-Ambiance (Flowers/Décor)

2- Mementos (Photo & Video)

10-Other

Opinions that Count: Bride & Groom, Bride’s Parents, Friends & Attendants, Groom’s Parents *Not necessarily in that order

Planning Committee: Bride & Groom, Bride’s Parents, Groom’s Parents, Siblings, Friends & Attendants

_ Wedding Budget – Another worksheet. This is tricky because my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding and they haven’t given us a definite number…I’m sure they’ll be more to come about this.

√ Date

√ Initial Guest List – They also have a checklist for this task.

√ Ceremony & Reception Site Research

_  Book specific vendors (ie. Photographer, DJ, etc.)

_  Wedding Party – We wanted to make sure that we were able to ask people in special ways – work in progress.

√ Book Ceremony & Reception Sites

_ Choose and book officiant – I’m hoping to have my childhood pastor perform the ceremony but there are some issues with the church so we’re working on this one as well.

_ Announce Engagement – Paper/Wedding Website – Again, I’m working on this one. We don’t want to post in the paper until we choose a photographer and get some engagement photos.

√ Engagement Party

Aforementioned Checklist

Well, I feel like I just did homework, but I also feel relieved, I’m not that far behind! (At least according to this list.) Soon I’ll be looking at the 8 – 10 months before checklist. Scary! This wedding will happen on September 24, 2011 whether we get everything on these checklists done or not (mostly because we already paid deposits.)

This is a really useful section from a Martha Stewart planning tool. They have flowers listed by color, time of year they're available, cost, etc. Just an example of how the magazines can be very useful.

The best advice that I can give with my limited experience thus far is to choose one magazine source (the Knot, Martha Stewart, Real Simple Weddings, etc.) that you feel best reflects the ambiance that you want at your wedding, and use the checklists available through that source. I’ve done the legwork and they’re all so similar that you won’t miss out on anything by using just one, but you will avoid frustration.

In ending this week I’d like to start a new weekly thought that I’m going to entitle, “Irrational Fear of the Week.” This week’s irrational fear is:

If you’ve been following along you know that a family friend of Colin’s was engaged on the same day as us and then chose the same initial wedding date as we did. I found out this week that we have been wedding dress shopping at the same places, so my new fear is that we’re going to end up wearing the same wedding dress…maybe after all of these coincidences this isn’t so irrational…

More adventures to come next week.

Yours,

The Bride

As I continue with the wedding planning I seem to be getting a lot of advice, some good, some not so good. So, as I was thinking about what to write for this week’s blog, I thought, who better to turn to than Emily, PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com’s previous blog writer. I mean, I’ve seen the pictures, her wedding was beautiful. So, for this week’s blog I am going to defer to Emily.

Suggestion from one of my readers

1. Elope

The first suggestion that Emily gives me is to skip the planning and the big ceremony and just run away with Colin and get hitched. Emily says that weddings are, “not for the faint of heart (or the faint of will!)”

Well Emily…you’re not the first one to suggest this to me, but I don’t know if eloping is right for us. Don’t get me wrong, the thought has crossed my mind. First there are the practical reasons: If we elope we will be saving a LOT of money. This is money we could spend on a down payment on that house we’ve been eyeing up or paying off college loans. We could also get a tax break and switch to one health insurance plan. Plus the emotional reasons, mainly the lack of stress involved in eloping. But alas, I think our families would be disappointed if we snuck off in the night and tied the knot, so, eloping is not for us.

A very small sampling of my bridal magazines

2. Beware of Bridal Magazines

Emily tells me to, “take bridal magazines with a grain of salt.”

Emily, you know me too well. My first instinct upon getting engaged was to run to the store and buy up all of the wedding magazines that they had. As much as I hate to admit it, this impulse has not left me. Every time that I go to the grocery store I find myself standing in the magazine aisle looking to see if any new magazines have made their way there since my last perusal. But Emily is right, I can’t afford what I see in these magazines. Even the “budget” dresses from the magazines are thousands of dollars (a great reason to buy a pre-owned wedding dress…I wonder where you can find those *winkwink* ). So I will take this piece of advice Emily, I will use the magazine as a starting point for inspiration but won’t call off the wedding if I can’t get the $5,000 (a piece) centerpieces with the Swarovski crystals.

3. Do Your Homework

Emily wants me to make sure that I “research before [I] commit.”

Oh Emily, of course! I’m not one of those people who falls in love with something and buys it on the spot, one of my favorite parts of shopping is knowing that I got a great deal. So don’t worry honey, I’m going to make sure that I price dresses and candy tables, and chocolate fountains, that’s just my style. Side note, this will be made even easier with my wonderful new DROID app that allows me to scan barcodes on items and finds me the lowest price! How cool is that!

This is not me, I don't remember the last time I was able to touch my toes!

4. Be Flexible

Emily reminds me that, “flexibility is key.”

Well, I guess I should start stretching. Figuratively, as I’m sure Emily meant it, if you’ve been following my blog you know that I’ve already had to be flexible with my date. I assume this figurative flexibility will come up again and again and I have mentally prepared for it. On a more literal note, I need to start stretching and exercising because this extra weight I’m carrying around is not going anywhere and we all know that every bride has to have that, “I need to lose weight before the wedding mentality.” It’s part of the process. So, Emily, just for you, I will have a flexible attitude and I will also work on some yoga or something.

An example of Colin and I following Emily's advice and having fun on our recent trip to Boston. GO SOX!

5. Have Fun

This is my favorite rule and I’ve been trying to decide how to accomplish it. I’ve decided that I’m moving some things to the top of my priority list that are stress free. They are as follows: Registering for gifts, dress shopping, wedding band shopping, and practicing signing my new name!

So, all in all I think that Emily’s advice is going to help me get through this wedding planning process with minimal dread. I’m sure as I continue with my planning I will have some advice for all of you as well, and like I did with Emily’s you can use it as it applies to you.

As far as wedding planning goes this week I spent some time wedding dress shopping. We’ve found four contenders so far but I haven’t found that “IT” dress. I also spent some time with both my mother and mother in law to-be looking for some mother’s dresses. They both found some options that make them look absolutely beautiful. I wonder what fun wedding things we will do in the upcoming week!

Yours,
The Bride